Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. ~Author Unknown
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. ~Menachem Mendel Schneerson
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