When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. ~Author Unknown
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
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